Wow...It's been almost a month since the last update...Really, there's no reason for the posting delay. Yes, I did go out of town for a week ( Busch Gardens...Wheeeeeeee!) while asshat(s) dragged my good name through the mud on the Internet, but hey, what do I care. Mostly, I'm lazy.
So, what should I talk about today? Internet Asshats? Politics in Liberia? The MSBlaster Worm?...Nah...How about stupid people with hormones.
Every so often, I come across something so sublimely hillarious that I feel I have to share the hillarity with everyone. Today is one such day. Witness the poor plight of one BuddyChrist83, a denzine of the Gaming-Age forums (one of my favorite places to lurk, though I don't post). As a result of a two-thread romp of hillarious 0wnage, BuddyChrist83 has contributed multiple counts to his idiocy inditement.
Count One: Seeking relationship advice on a videogame forum. Now, Gaming-Age is a pretty happening place, full of people with real brain tissue. But relationships are not something you want to ask these people about. Just watch this:
BuddyChrist83:
"So my ex-girlfriend (Leah) IMs me earlier. For anyone that remembers anything, I was pretty much happy for it to be over, as it was just too much of a hassle. She's all 'my life is empty without you', and 'my parents, who hated you when we broke up, love you now because they see that I really care about you' and all that wonderful alluring stuff. So I'm going over tonight....to tell her no, I'm gone, forever. This is going to be one of the hardest things to do because I'm not a dick and I do care about her well-being, not to mention the fact that I've already had a crap day at work."
Having grown up on bad sitcoms, the denziens of GA urge Mr. Christ83 to seek "breakup sex". Now, in and of itself, this is not a bad thing. However, recall that said Mr. Christ83 is in fact, an idiot.
Count Two: Recall that sex-ed class serves a very important purpose. That purpose was not making pre-teens laugh. BuddyChrist83 continues...
BuddyChrist83:
"Well...I'm alive, and to answer everyone's burning questions
1) Yes, we had sex. In my backseat, no less, and yes, I was extremely stupid and did not use protection."
Now, we all know exactly where this is going. Fans of Law and Order will no doubt want a damning-gavel sound right here...So here you go.
And so begins Buddy's plight...Immediately, the moderator steps in and changes Mr. Chirst83's tag...It now reads:
"OH SH*T SHE'S PREGNANT"
For the next four pages, nearly everyone else weighs in on this in a similar fashion.
Count Three: Having spilled all of this onto the Internet, how could BuddyChrist83 increase his stupidity further?...Posting pictures of himself and the female in question will do nicely...This leads the expectant crowd (hah) to do a little photoshopping:
Count Four: Remember Count One?...Buddy goes for multiple counts of that offense by posting yet another thread a few days later. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you all saw this coming. Out self-protagonist continues:
BuddyChrist83:
"well, she had her period, but it was lighter and shorter than normal, not to meniton completely cramp free which has only happened 3 times in the past 5 years. in other words, there's still a good chance she's pregnant, especially considering when we had sex (about 5-7 days before she was supposed to 'start'). needless to say, i'm freaking out right now, i'm going to do some type of pregnancy test over the next week, but i don't know what's reliable, i don't know where to get a blood test or how much it'll cost, and i need to keep this all secret from my family ( including my dad, who is also my boss) and her family. this comes, ironically, after i told her i just wanted to be friends and i didn't want to date her anymore. i need to know if she is so I can drop out of college before the next semester starts. fuck."
Now the crowd, realizing Mr. Christ83's serious intelligence deficiencies, becomes sympathetic. Alas, it is too late (hah), the APB for this suspect is already out.
As of right now, this case is still wide open...Though, I'm sure BuddyChrist83 will in due (hah) time make another post for all of us in the waiting room (hah).
